Thailand, really?

When my husband first started hinting a year and a half ago at an assignment that would take us to East Asia for two years, I would not even discuss it.  You know, the kind of reaction that has hands over the ears, humming loudly off-key to silence the discussion.  Nope. Not. Even. Gonna. Talk. About. It. The fact of the matter is, I have moved my whole life.  We have lived here in Colorado for 5 1/2 years and that is the longest I have ever been in one place.  I don't like to travel and didn't want to move.  I, personally, long for stability, for roots, for security, for a connection that goes beyond just a short season of transition.  But, throughout the past several years I have grown to long for one thing even more...that is an intimate connection to the God of the universe through His son Jesus Christ.  Everything else, every other desire, every other need, even breath itself pales in comparison to the longing for more of Him.  Therefore when God joined me on a sun-warmed corner of my couch and whispered to me a few weeks ago, that it was his desire that we serve in Thailand for two years, all I could say through my tears of surrender was "Really, are you sure? I mean, like really, REALLY sure?"

So many trivial things stood up and shook their fist in my mind:  you're not qualified, what about the children and saying good-bye to their friends, what about Grayson, what about the dogs, what about saying goodbye to your church, your stability, your aspirations, your home, you speak Spanish not Thai for heaven's sake!  All of these and more rebelled vehemently against a heart kneeling in submission to the sovereign God...and then in the quiet, in the stillness came the knowing.  The knowing that all of these things God has given me were his to take away.  The knowing that following Him may not be safe, and in fact may cost every other thing, but it is good because He is good. The knowing that He is in control, He is my stability, He is my security, He is more than I could ever ask or imagine and that I don't have to have all the answers.  The knowing that all of my inadequacies are His opportunities....and the knowing that this life is really all about His glory not about my comfort. 

So that is that.  In the past 2 1/2 weeks everything has begun falling into place...the assignment, the support, the details and I find that I am strapped into a roller coaster on the slow clicking ascent before the ride takes it's first big plunge headed to Thailand. My heart pounding in my throat, looking frantically to the left and the right, wondering how did I miss the chicken exit?  And as the roller coaster click-clacks...click-clacks slowly upward, I am reminded of what a wild ride it is to follow God.